The Mists of Paoru
Yuting - 7th day of the 12th month, 3458--mental notes
Metal Day, 7th day of the Pig month, year 3458 of Heavenly Fire—mental notes
…worst breakfast ever. Even Raktim cooks better than that. “Oh no, no. It was delicious!” For a jellyfish-thing, maybe.
[Horn!] Gah! What the… Hey, who’s that? It’s like Yun and Raktim had a baby and then replaced its eyes with carrots. Yaipei? More like Yappy. Doesn’t he ever shut up? Trust, blah blah. “Is there anything we could do to prove ourselves to you?” No, of course not. That would be too easy.
Hey, Lady stuff. Now we’re getting somewhere. Tianshi, eh? I would’ve guessed wood, for obvious reasons. Millennia? And she hasn’t faded out? Must be the—yeah, like I said. Must be the laoru.
Yeah, yeah. Senile old Heitou. When can we—oh, this evening. “Would you accept volunteers from our homeland as a show of good faith?” Yay, trust. Oh, or not. Can we talk to someone else now? When’s the last time I polished my horns? That right one looks a bit rough. Where’s my wax? “The awakened spirit of the castle, you say? Do go on.” Boooring. I think Yun hid it. Why are they looking at me? “Oh, you founded the monastic order. Shaofeng told us differently.” Elders built castle, summoned Heitou; Heitou founded monastery, summoned Yappy; Yappy founded monastic order. Sounds right. I wonder if Sarjana could make me some more.
Gongniu’s people were hungry for power and territory, eh? Good for them. What’s their race called, anyway? I should ask him, but I don’t want to bother him. Wait, why is he saying the Lady’s name out loud? Good question, Sarjana. Well that’s stupid. Something fear, something something mind-killer. Haha, janitor.
Heitou, Lady, enemies, Gongniu’s people. No, I asked how the elders died off. Fine, don’t tell me. Thank you for pointing that out, Yun. Chancellors, Chenmo—sob story, got it.
Hello, what’s Bai’s doing? Anti-magic field, eh? Over the entire sea or just th— [Horn!] Gah! How long are we going to walk? It’s been forever. Oh shitshitshitshit “No, I’m fine!” shitshithowmuchfarthershitshitshitshitshitshitshit. Finally! Hey, a guy. He looks like hell. What the—must be a zhurdana. Tenn Eleven or something. Great, another mouth to feed. Did he bring—no, of course not. “Guangia, do you think you could—Hey!” Where’s he going? Oh well, I think I remember the way back…
…Well I don’t want him to escort me to Heitou’s chamber. “Thank you for escorting us to Heitou’s chamber, Guangia.” 800 years? Lucky. I don’t think I’ll make it to 80. Right, Lady turned evil; I thought we already covered that.
Water, rubble, breathing boulders. Wait, leave us? Where’s the tea pot? Yeah, because we’d get along great without you. The emperor ? Man, when the plot thickens. Cups, cups, cups… “What about Gongniu? What if his ‘life fountain’ is actually poisoning him?” If I were tea, where would I be? Of course, the third pocket. Oh, hello.